Anonymous asked: can i have your pineapple?

No, pineapple is my life source.

Anonymous asked: So I told this girl to skip work and come watch movies with me and she replied "omg I wish" but I can't tell if it was just because anything is better then work...

Try not to overthink it!

He’s beside me convulsing and ranting about how travel websites are scams and he has a lot of conspiracy theories and he is showing me his bite mark scars and telling me that he thinks Jasmine is the most beautiful name. I’m probably about to be murdered someone save me.

My cousin is such a crack head it makes live blogging holidays so much more entertaining.

My cousin just showed me a bunch of pictures of him in his boxers with bite marks all over him from some time he apparently “got jumped”. I am so afraid.

"You’re so cute you make me want to vomit."
-My cousin

Twenty minute family conversation about blowjobs that started with my grandma asking what deep throat meant. This is my life.

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter!

"You’re a vegetarian? Is that even healthy?", my thirty year old cousin asks as he scarfs down doritos and diet coke and then proceeds to inject his insulin.

We got my grandma a tablet for her birthday and now she’s crying as we’re teaching her how to use it.